I realize we aren't on this trip, YET! But that we are going still feels miraculous to me. I did the math the other night and realized I have wanted this trip to Taiwan with my children for longer than I wanted to be a professional ballerina. This is the fulfillment of an 18 year desire. I feel so blessed and humbled.
When we bought the tickets months ago, Q cautioned that we needed to all be healthy and strong to maximize our time in Taiwan. His health on vacation paranoia stems from the illness that plagued a trip to California 5 years ago, our trip to Florida a year and a half ago, and even little weekend trips to Salt Lake that we plan and get excited about.
Unlike those other trips, however, this one was not planned for the height of the flu season. And we were coming out of our healthiest winter ever. I remember his cautioning us to stay healthy, and as I looked at the kids, I almost couldn't imagine us being anything BUT healthy, we had been healthy for so long.
Wow, as this trip has approached, I've been amazed at how the OPPOSITE is true! The closer it gets, the sicker we are, it seems. I was ill for essentially ALL of July, culminating in a diagnosis of walking pneumonia and my first prescription of antibiotics I remember taking, ever. The coughing from the pneumonia resulted in rib issues, and as those were healing, I put my lower back out. On the mend from that, my neck has gone out, and I feel I'm running out of time to heal.
But it's not just me. Q is on antibiotics, Weese has just finished her course of them, Stew is making his way through, and last week, in addition to the massages and trips to the chiropractor just to keep us functional, we took Big Bro in to the doc for issues not related to coughing and congestion. Of course, were we not leaving so soon, outside of myself, perhaps no one would be on antibiotics because we'd have more patience with things running their course. But we have been SICK, and sore, and tired and depleted in ways and in volumes I almost feel our family has never dealt with.
When Q told me we could buy the tickets to go so many months ago, I surprised both him and myself by wanting first to fast. I think getting something I've wanted for so long scared me a bit, and I wanted to make sure it was okay with God and not just me making His and Q's life miserable 'til I got what I wanted. The fast filled me with peace. As part of it, I also felt guided to the dates of our travel. I could not have anticipated what a blessing that fast and it's resulting peace would be. In the midst of our current health afflictions, I have thought to ask God, "Why!?" but I have been able to not despair. The peace has carried me. I have felt things STILL will be okay, WE will be okay because God will be with us. I suppose you don't get a miracle, even a miracle trip, until AFTER the trial of your faith.
Like all trials, God has provided a way to overcome. As we prepare the stuff to take, and more significantly, the house to leave in renters' hands, I have felt blessed to have wanted this trip for so long. Each time I felt that longing to take my family to Taiwan, I felt I needed to prepare. When it was so far off, I couldn't plan, couldn't buy clothes, or tickets, or do much of anything but prepare our home. I have been organizing and de-junking for years. I have organized and de-junked even the same places so many times, I wondered if my doing so was even related to going, or if my brain just psyched itself out to take on large, unpleasant organizational tasks. But now, as we have come down to the wire with so little health and strength to make it all happen, I have realized the enormous blessing of being so diligent for so long. The layers are thin. Though we have made 2 trips to the DI and have filled our recycling and trash cans every week for the last two or three, it has not taken all our time or energy, which is a HUGE blessing because we have so little of both. The house has packed up with relative ease, should unpack with relative ease and within a few hours, and we are getting a more peaceful home for our efforts. This seems like it's own little miracle. Maybe big miracles come after trials, but after little miracles too.
No comments:
Post a Comment