Dear Old Mom - a Self-Portrait in Word and Image

SITTING on the MRT- a privilege of the aged!

In the imaginings of my youth, I was getting married when I was 25 in the midst of a fantastic career as a ballerina. Finally, when I was nearly ready to hang up my point shoes and walk away from the fame and leading roles, I would have a child or two at about 34 or 35.

A changing path - and sometimes I follow, but I lead and walk beside too!

Taiwan, the first time around, changed that path in two ways. As a missionary, I learned to like kids and even want some of my own. Not that before I had hated children or wanted to never be a mother. But before my mission, motherhood seemed more like an inescapable duty I could put off for a while, and ON my mission, a family came to be something I WANTED.

The second change was that I didn't want to put it off as long as possible either. A part of that was likely because I'd already retired from ballet, or so I had thought. But I remember a distinct experience of looking out on a congregation, likely before I spoke, and noticing these older women with little children. I remember thinking that if I waited 'til I was old to have little ones, that I would be OLD. I wanted my mothering to come in a time and season where I had more energy, youth, playfulness to give my children. I didn't want to be the old moms I saw.

The upside of less energy - still being in bed when your kids wake up so you can snuggle!

Who says I can't have playful energy! Here, me and EV compare
our crazy morning hair.

As it turned out, my first plan was closer to reality than I could have imagined on my mission. In the first place, I became a dancer again! Who would have guessed THAT was possible! But I also didn't feel especially drawn towards marriage for a few years after getting back either. I DID get married at the beautiful age of 25 after all. I didn't get the chance to walk away from leading roles, but I did walk away from the career to have a family. By Utah standards, that walk came late- I was 27 when I had my first kid! Still, I wasn't old. If anything, I was a peer to all the early-twenties moms!

Me and my first on the way to ballet - a love I have passed to my posterity!

Now I actually LIKED kids, and ESPECIALLY my OWN, I had a few, wrapping up with my last at 36. Still young. And brought them all back to Taiwan at 39, while I was young enough to have the energy for the adventure!

Hard hats for hard heads - 
Thank goodness for the guidance of God AND children in life's journey!

So I'm here in Taiwan, again, and looking out this time at the moms as peers. And I find myself wondering when things changed. When did the moms here marry and start their families earlier? For these were YOUNG moms! And then I realized, I've become the old mom to my 21 year-old self! Ha! And I guess I'm not the cute, playful, young mom I wanted to give my kids 18 years ago. But I am the wise mom with a life-time of experiences and passions I can share with them. And, like most mothers I know, I am the mom I was meant to be!

Maybe it's not our youth that makes us strong, but our experiences gained in it, and the love of those around us!